head over heels

You know what I realized after such a long time? It’s not that I have a buttload more guy friends than girl friends. This I already knew. What I realized is that I don’t like getting close to girls. It’s not that I don’t like girls, on the contrary, I love my girl friends to death. But it’s so much harder for me to become friends with girls than guys. Up until this year I’ve only been hurt by girls when it comes to friendships, which largely contributes to my hesitation to get close to any new girls that I befriend.

Guys are complex as hell if, as a girl, you’re trying really hard to understand them. As friends though, they’re rather simple — and I do not mean that in a derogatory sense at all. Guys are fun to be around, they joke around a lot more, they are more willing to spontaneously just do things. They are direct with you, it’s pretty much a no bullshit friendship with a guy. They are also very forgiving.

Girls in my opinion are complex as hell in more ways than one. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes that’s what makes it fun to be with girls. We understand each other because we experience a lot of the same things. We are a more sympathetic sex, we show that we care about each other more than guys would.

In my sociology of gender class on Monday my professor asked for a show of hands whether we thought guys made better friends or whether girls made better friends. Even though I am a girl I raised my hand when he asked for those who believed guys would make better friends. Why do I think they make better friends? For the reasons I listed above. We also talked about why guys or girls are not as good as friends. And I’ll tell you why I choose guys over girls. Girls are “catty” (a term one of the girls in my lecture used). Many of them are very indirect with you. A majority of them will pretend they are okay with you or even that they are friends with you even if they do not like you. It also seems as though there are certain stipulations in becoming friends with other girls, you have to be alike or have a lot in common. They are manipulative and emotional. They say one thing and mean another. I bet I sound like a real bitch right now.

I am not putting down girls. I mean, I’m a girl. I am not going to say I’m just completely different from other girls. That would be too hypocritical of me. It’s just that being around guys for the majority of my teenage years, from the very beginning of high school up to even now, has kind of made me a bit like “one of the guys”. I am a fairly direct person, if I don’t like you I won’t hide it and pretend I do. That’s not saying I’ll be all in your face about how I dislike you. I don’t get mad easily and when I do I forgive easily. I don’t see a point in staying mad at a friend.

What’s the point of this post? I pissed off a good friend today, one of the few girl friends that I have. I don’t know how to make it up to her or even get her to talk to me. And that made me think about why I don’t have a lot of girl friends. I don’t know how to get her to talk to me. And I feel like shit because of what happened. I can’t just leave it alone because I don’t think that will make it any better but I really don’t know what to do. I don’t deal well with losing friends, guy or girl. It’s a bitch to know that you fucked up your friendship. I’m just babbling now. I’ll give you fair warning now though, you probably don’t want to get too close to me.

I had a lot of other stuff on my mind that I wanted to write about, but I’m going to stop here because I don’t want to ramble about too many different things in one post. Next one I guess.

There’s too many freaking sad songs, where the heck are the happy ones?

And one last random thing, in addition to the bites on my hand and arm I now have a blister on my finger and bruises all over my body. Where the heck are all these coming from?