head over heels

We’re only 19 going on to 20 right now, some of us are even still 18 going on to 19. A little early to be worrying about money right? At least on a big scale.

I learned early on that you have to work hard for the money that you have. I started working when I was 16, when every one else was still going to summer prep classes and just hanging out and having fun. It sucked to not be able to spend that much time with every one. But I was making money, more importantly it was my money, I was earning it. That felt pretty good, knowing I wasn’t just spending my parent’s hard-earned money. And it really is hard earned for them, which is why I feel so guilty using it. And every year since I started working I have been working for the money that I spend.

My jobs were kind of varied. Glorified office assistant/delivery girl for two years, a bank teller/data entry person, working administrative duties inside a hospital college, and currently a phone operator in a hospital. With each job my earnings increased as my wages went up. That was immensely pleasing, especially since I am a big spender ( I love to go shopping ;x ) My pay is at it’s highest right now: $14/hour. And I, thankfully, do not get taxed a lot.

What was the point about talking about all of this…

I have only started saving my earnings this year. Those previous years of work all went to my ( sometimes outrageous ) spending habits. But those savings won’t be there long, they probably won’t even last until the beginning of September. Why? Because I am going to be using ( probably ) most of it to pay for my tuition for next semester. My mum told me when I started my job this summer that she would not be paying for my schooling anymore, that I would have to pay for it on my own. Of course I was surprised, but what could I do but accept it? And I also have to pay for the new washing machine that she bought. Not to mention the monthly metro cards that I need for work. You would think that since I’m making more than I ever did and since I’m actually saving my paychecks I’d have a lot more money. Apparently that is not the case.

Last night I received news that was like the frosting for my already ugly money cake: I had lost my scholarship from school. This adds on an extra $2000 to the tuition that I have to pay out of pocket. It’s understandable to be upset about that right? Because I was really upset by this news. I called them during my lunch hour today to hopefully appeal for my scholarship. No such luck. I guess I was still feeling hopeful before I spoke to the woman who handled my call. After she told me I definitely wouldn’t be getting the money everything just went downhill in my mind. Embarrassingly enough I started crying right where I stood. Right in the middle of the street. I couldn’t help it, I am unfortunately a crybaby.

I am really really thankful that I have the friends that I do. While I was freaking out about all of this, they were actually thinking clearly for me in addition to comforting me. I still haven’t completely sorted it all through but at least I have some idea of what I could do. Thanks guys…

I forgot the point of this entry. Heh, no surprise there. This tends to happen a lot with me. :\

Well, this has taught me something though. All the drama from high school or even now does not seem like that big of a deal…